It’s nothing to do with the stereotypical characteristic of ‘being British’ it’s about personalities. It’s not even about ‘not wanting to make a fuss’. It’s about patiently waiting for the professionals to do their job. Unfortunately, when the social workers are overstretched and their job becomes a continual fire-fight the introverts are left behind. The crisis has either passed, or become the norm.
I speak (well, blog) only from my own personal experience. My girl has a social worker – she’s ‘been in the system’ for the last 14 years (children and adult learning disability services) since her mother (my sister) died. Her main disabilities are due to sensory and processing differences. She’s not ‘complex care’ or ‘challenging behaviour’. No cause for alarm there then. My husband and I are both 20 years plus working and training social care staff – so we know the system.
In the last 14 years the social work team have seen my girl and me probably about 8 times. And that’s being generous. Certainly not annually – in fact she hasn’t seen a social worker for the last 4 years. There was a three year gap before that, and eighteen months before that….
It’s scary how the potential for issues to escalate is not addressed, how support is neglected unless ‘bumped’ up the list of priority (or not).
At one meeting (an emergency planning meeting for my nephew) I was read a report stating that I was demanding and the social worker reported that she was highly concerned that ‘[Mogs’] placement’ was breaking down – “not if, but when” was read out, with dour face totally unaffected by my tears of anger and disbelief.
I was read this report when my girl was 9 (some 9 months after she moved in with me) but no one had visited us in months, either before, during or after this report was written, or even in the seven months following it’s public airing…And this was not long after the horrendous death of Victoria Climbie, and the atrocious court case that followed. During this time social services talked at length about ‘lesson’s learned’. And although Mogs wasn’t (in my opinion) at any risk, her file was full of opinionated comments relating to my then husband’s mental ill health, my (alleged by them) continual financial requests (which were in fact for a kinship allowance) and ludicrously about me being seen driving around town in a brand new green car! (Of which never occurred – unless I have a double).
I’ve had numerous occasions when I’ve felt I don’t know what to do, I’ve raised concerns regarding potential serious safeguarding issues, we’ve had educational and currently have major employment issues. I’ve allowed the system to ‘put me off’. And feel we’ve become the bottom priority. Because I’ve spoken, hinted, made concerned comments and not complained, shouted or screamed. Not because I don’t think I need to, but because it’s not my way. I’m essentially an introvert.
I don’t ask for help in most areas of my life, my husband has to work out when I need support; he’s become the expert in offering. That’s the key really. Being available.
Mogs is an adult now and doesn’t want us being involved in everything. She’s her own person. But she still needs support. It’s pretty devaluing for an independent minded 23 year old to still have to run to us for her support in matters of employment seeking and benefits, but she has no choice. You see she’s an introvert too. And she hasn’t learned the effective example of ‘how to do it’ from me. The British social care system is less ‘if you don’t ask you don’t get’ and more ‘if you don’t scream loudly, make threats, link to potential safeguarding, court cases or infer cost implications then you don’t get’.
But then again, if you do scream loudly, make threats and keep shouting you’re a troublemaker, a ‘difficult’ parent or just known as a total pain in the ass who needs to be suppressed. And there is one heck of a lot of evidence out there to show the extremes the system will go to in order to suppress those that seek justice…
Bit of a lose-lose situation really.